LIGHTEN UP AND ENJOY THE PROCESS
HOW I AM HANDLING EMOTIONS
Today, I was told that I could not register for a class but had to sign up on the waiting list. I was to come back in two days to see if there was an opening for me. Initially, I tried to give my reasons for why I really needed to be in the class and why the administrative rules should not apply to me. (This is so of my character!) I was polite but persistent in trying to get my way until finally I accepted the fact that I needed to wait like everyone else. I thanked the lady for her time and left the building. That's when a surge of emotions appeared.
First there was fear. I was afraid that without this class, my plan would dissolve and I would not have my way. Then, I felt sorry. I felt sorry for the lady who had to deal with the logistics of registering people for classes at a community college that were under-staffed and under-funded. I also felt sorry for the other students in a similar position as me. Then, I was happy because I realized that I did have a plan B and that things would work out. There have been many times when I have gotten caught in the fear stage, and stayed there crying and crying. But, today I did not experience that because I have the practices of Mindfulness Meditation and Loving Kindness Meditation.
Learning to handle my emotions has been the biggest challenge for me. I have learned to accept that for many years, I shrugged my responsibility for my emotions and actions by blaming others for the pain that I experienced. Many people, including my parents, my sister, teachers and authority figures, friends and lovers, pretty girls and even strangers, have been victims of my emotional irresponsibility. Thankfully, I was taught Mindfulness Meditation and Loving Kindness Meditation by John Drais at Madre Grande Monastery in Dulzura, California. These practices have helped me detach from my emotions and see more clearly that in different situations, I have the ability to choose how I act. My emotions do not have to dictate my actions. I am most definitely a work in progress, but during the times of high emotion, I have found that even the smallest glimpse of the eternal place of deep serenity within is life-changing, and life-saving.
Learning to handle my emotions has been the biggest challenge for me. I have learned to accept that for many years, I shrugged my responsibility for my emotions and actions by blaming others for the pain that I experienced. Many people, including my parents, my sister, teachers and authority figures, friends and lovers, pretty girls and even strangers, have been victims of my emotional irresponsibility. Thankfully, I was taught Mindfulness Meditation and Loving Kindness Meditation by John Drais at Madre Grande Monastery in Dulzura, California. These practices have helped me detach from my emotions and see more clearly that in different situations, I have the ability to choose how I act. My emotions do not have to dictate my actions. I am most definitely a work in progress, but during the times of high emotion, I have found that even the smallest glimpse of the eternal place of deep serenity within is life-changing, and life-saving.
I have always remembered one lesson my mother taught me: "Allison, the universe does not evolve around you." When I was young, this would really make me angry because I thought that what she was saying was that my thoughts, feelings, and experiences did not matter, or that I did not matter. But now I understand the lesson she was trying to teach me. I am just one thread in this wonderful web of life. I am living in what appears to be my own universe, with my own emotions, thoughts, dreams, joys and daily dilemmas, but really I am a part of the bigger picture -a life we all share in.
I ask for help in remembering that for each day, there are many moments where I can show compassion and care for all forms of life, other people and myself. It's ironic how I think that there will be this big moment when I can act on this philosophy, but really the opportunity to respect the life we share is in all the little moments. As one of my greatest teachers says, no matter how the day goes, ENJOY the process!
Namaste*
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