“Who has never seen the Bound Lotus posture?” Asked Mahan Kirn to the room of yogis. “Me,”
I thought as I raised my hand. The only image I could think of was that of the classic yogi sitting
in padhmasana (full lotus pose) meditating under a Bodhi Tree. I decided to attend the Maha
Bound Lotus workshop at Sat Nam Fest on impulse like many things in life. I had no idea what
would unfold from this practice, all I knew was that I had to show up!
I was one of the few yogis who had never seen or practiced the Bound Lotus Kriya. “Well if you knew what you were getting into, you probably wouldn’t have come,” Mahan Kirn smiled knowingly. “Yes, very true,” I thought. Actually, if I had known how Sat Nam Fest would change the course of my life or of the pain and trauma that I would re-live in the Bound Lotus Kriya, I would have never arrived to the festival or the class. It was the not knowing of what to expect that helped me to take a leap of faith with both of these experiences.
Following along with the warm-up stretches, I feel the direct correlation between my thoughts and my body. If I try to push myself into the stretch with competitive and forceful thoughts, my body tenses. When I think kind and loving thoughts, my body softens. It seems that my body is trying to protect itself by restricting movement. “What am I scared of?” I whisper aloud. The answer comes in a form of agreement that I have to make with myself. If I embark on this journey, I will travel to hidden depths of my soul to see what is hiding and feel what is painful. And if I say “Yes” to this exploration, new pathways will open for me and I will release the stored emotions of resentment, shame and guilt to heal old wounds and past traumas.
As I bend my knee and bring the soul of my foot up, I feel a dull ache building with heat and intensity at my hip. The sensation travels down my knee and up my ankle as I place my foot into my lap. I notice that my knee is resisting going down and my mind is preoccupied with the thought “I have to email so-and-so,” so I take some deep breathes and even gently coo to myself. This makes me smile. My hip relaxes and the knee falls open onto a pillow. My shoulder feels very tight and restricted as I reach behind my back for my big toe. I take a deep breath and dive forward to place my forehead onto a yoga block.
It is dark and my body feels like it is on fire. My mind is racing with thoughts and I hear many different voices shouting and talking over one another. It is total chaos! But before I really panic, I find my breath and exhale. Even though my breath feels small and shallow, I am comforted by the sensation. I affirm to myself that I trust in the breath to be my guiding light. I drop deeper, and am now watching a movie on high speed. I can’t make out the images at first, but then I see myself as a little girl. I am upset and crying. “I don’t want to be alone!” She wails. “It’s not my fault,” she cries. I feel my arm behind my back and notice my hand on my foot. The connection I feel is like a hug, and I am reminded that I am safe and supported. I extend the love I feel in this embrace to the little girl I see. Her tears dry and her sobbing quiets. I feel a moment of peace and then more images flash in front of my eyes. I see myself as a teenager. I am watching her as she slams the door and yells into her pillow, seething with anger. Her frustration makes my breath constrict. I feel like I am suffocating. Then I see her numbing herself and her actions make me sad and ashamed. I feel cramps in my stomach. I then see her painting and the vibrant colors ease the cramps. I want to tell her that she is loved, that she is creative, strong, worthy and beautiful. Heat runs up my spine and accumulates at my the base of my scull. My forehead twitches and there is sharp pain in my head. My whole body feels like it is consumed by a fire. Just when it feels like I’ve reach my limit, I take a deep breath and again, drop in deeper. It is pitch black. I need to make a sound but I can’t seem to speak. I mentally count my breaths, “One, Two, Three.” I hear whispers. I feel mumbling at my lips. “I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.” I hear these words and realized that they are mine. I feel the weight of years of harboring resentment and shame melt from my body. I breath in and feel my chest expand. I experience one infinite moment of complete stillness.
“Slowly, come out of your pose,” whispers Mayan Kirn. I take a deep breath and lift my head. I unbind my arm and take my foot from my hip with closed eyes. I can feel my face contort in pain. I moan as I extend my knee and place my leg on the ground. I slowly open my eyes and blink a few times to adjust to the light. I know that I am still in the same room, but the people and the room look different. Something has changed. I am in the same place but I am seeing the world around me differently. My body is sore but I feel renewed, rejuvenated and even, re- birthed.
I have started a 40-day practice with the Bound Lotus Kriya since Sat Nam Fest in April. I practice for 31 minutes every day to Snatam Kaur’s Ray-man recitation. The words tune me in to a higher frequency and her angelic voice soothes me, but each day I face new challenges. I use different yoga props such as blocks and pillows to find a place of balance, where I meet my edge but am not strained. Since I’ve started practicing the Bound Lotus Kriya, I have noticed a shift in my mindset and in my physical body. If I am stressed-out or anxious before I practice, I am relaxed and focused afterwards. For many years I have lived with pain in my body, constantly trying to adjust myself to find a comfortable position. By practicing this Kriya, I have already noticed a an improvement in my posture and feel more at home in my body.
To practice this kriya successfully, I know that I will have to give up trying to attain the perfect posture. Instead, I will need to embrace this practice as a never ending process and a journey of continuous self-discovery. The greatest lesson I have learned from the Bound Lotus Kriya is to surrender. Surrendering is not giving up, but rather, it is the bravest action I can take. I tapped into a new found depth in my being to access the courage I will need to let go and bow before the Divine, and to let go and trust in Life.
Originally published on the Spirit Voyage Blog
Allison is a blogger for Spirit Voyage Yogini Tribe
Comments
Post a Comment